he wants to bone in the snuggie
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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