well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Terrible idea I love it
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
