Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My day in three words: secret purse cake
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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