It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
