Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
