so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
