here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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