I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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