White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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