there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
