Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Holy sore nipples Batman
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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