One girl and one boy is just not enough.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
