Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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