She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
