You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
