My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
