I think i peed on brittanys purse
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
