I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
