he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
