I feel like abortions should bother me more
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
