So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
