It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
