Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
