If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
