Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
