i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
