i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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