fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just gargled with NyQuil
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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