The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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