Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize