@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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