lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
