I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
