There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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