Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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