Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
