Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
