Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
