So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
