My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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