Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
