god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
