Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
