i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
