Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
