Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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