wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
