We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
