we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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