are you still at the devil's house?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
