I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
