i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
just found out that she named her cat after me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
