I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
