I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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