Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
