ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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