I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
