My underwear smells like fireworks.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize