scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
