Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
