question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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