i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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