Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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