38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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