Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
