youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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