I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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