smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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