walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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